Every relationship runs different sets of dynamics. And it’s alright because people are different. So, what works for someone may not work for another. However, honesty remains the best policy.
Even some studies seem to support this as current studies agree that keeping secrets in a relationship can potentially harm a relationship.
But that’s not enough reason to talk about these secrets as soon as you start dating. When it comes to romantic relationships, your best bet is to be honest but with a good measure of wisdom.
Maybe you had a child out of wedlock, a messy past, a shameful addiction, a mental health challenge, or pretty much anything else. You have to be sure that the person you are with can handle any ‘secret’ you want to talk about.
Since you don’t want them to hear it from someone else, you may be wondering if you should tell him everything. If you should, how much is enough? And how much is too much? To help you, we have compiled some relatable experiences of other young couples that you can learn from.
Meet Jay and Sharon
Theirs was a whirlwind romance, what you can describe as love at first sight. Jay had met Sharon at his friend’s wedding ceremony and instantly fell for her. He was smitten from the very first hello and couldn’t wait to make Sharon his.
Sharon, on her part, was happy at the development and open show of favor by this handsome best man. But she was a little hesitant to share in his enthusiasm. However, they finally exchanged numbers and gradually began calling each other every day.
After the first month, Sharon was convinced Jay was totally into her. So, she did what a lot of women do. She began to let down her defenses and opened up more to Jay.
One day, she decided to let it all out. She had two children aged 5 and 3, both from her previous relationship. Also, she had loads of loan debts she had been struggling to pay for the past two years.
It seemed it was too much information for one day because Jay withdrew after that particular conversation. After two days of dry checking-up calls, Jay didn’t call again.
You might want to argue that perhaps Jay didn’t love her as he claimed, but maybe there is something more. Could it be that she let out a lot a little too soon? Could it also be that she gave away way too much information before the man was ready to absorb it?
Think about it, if you were a man, would you be comfortable with such heavy information early on in a relationship? That’s a major mistake that can send most men running away at the beginning of a relationship.
Also Read: 5 Strong Signs He’s Still Attached to His Ex-Girlfriend
Aby and Akeem
So, a partner may press for personal details that you’re not comfortable sharing, especially in the early stages of a relationship. If he does, you can answer him according to the level the relationship has progressed to.
For instance, a man you just met has no business knowing about all your past sexual experiences, STDs, or even a rape case. But if you were already in a committed relationship that is leading to marriage, then you are obligated to open up to him.
Aby experienced this with Akeem, who consistently probed into her past relationships. Somehow, she succumbed to the pressure and shared her history. But that was the beginning of the end. Eventually that ‘premature’ revelation snuffed the life out of their relationship.
In this instance, it’s important to note that they had only been talking for two weeks, a relatively short period. It raises the question: Should personal details be divulged so early in a relationship?
While transparency is vital, the timing and context matter a lot. Aby’s experience helps us to consider whether certain information should be reserved until the relationship has progressed further.
In most people’s experience, that’s much better. It’s wiser to keep very sensitive discussions till way later in the relationship. Otherwise, you might send your man scurrying away from you.
Also Read: 10 Worst Things You Should Never Say to a Man You Love
Josh and Brenda
Now, let’s look at another couple’s experience – Josh and Brenda. Unlike Jay and Sharon or Aby and Akeem, Josh and Brenda had been friends for several years before transitioning into a romantic relationship.
They communicated well, enjoyed each other’s company, and were planning a future together. However, there was one aspect of Brenda’s past that she hadn’t shared with Josh. She had a history of some health struggles and had been in and out of the hospital for a significant part of her life.
As their relationship deepened and they started discussing marriage, Brenda felt the need to open up about her health journey. Of course, she was hesitant, because she feared that Josh might see her differently or be concerned about their future together.
However, Brenda decided to trust Josh and share her experiences. To her surprise, Josh was understanding and supportive. He appreciated Brenda’s honesty and vulnerability.
Instead of pushing her away, it brought them closer. Josh was grateful that Brenda felt comfortable enough to share such a personal part of her life.
From Brenda and Josh’s experience, we can learn that sometimes it’s okay to share past experiences with your partner, especially if it helps to build trust and intimacy in the relationship.
However, it’s important to gauge the level of trust and commitment in the relationship before divulging sensitive information. If you feel comfortable and trust your partner, sharing your past experiences can lead to deeper connections and a stronger relationship overall.
Also Read: 7 Red Flags Every Woman Should Pay Attention to Before Accepting the Ring
Key Takeaways
Here are some takeaways to consider:
Assess the Relationship Stage
You shouldn’t start your deep revelations without taking this into cognizance. Consider the stage of your relationship before divulging sensitive information. Early on, focus on building trust gradually, and as the relationship deepens, share more intimate details.
Timing Matters
Be mindful of the timing when revealing significant aspects of your life. Rushing into revealing heavy details too soon in a relationship can be overwhelming for the other person. So, make sure both of you are intimate enough before bringing up deep discussions.
Disclosure Gradually
Instead of unloading all your baggage at once, practice gradual disclosure. Share pieces of your past as the relationship progresses. If you can, emphasize the lessons you have personally learned from those incidents to help your partner see how much you have grown from such events.
Build a Foundation of Trust
Establishing a foundation of trust through friendship or shared experiences can create a supportive environment for open communication.
Trust Your Instincts
Sometimes, instincts don’t lie. If you feel like the other person may be uncomfortable with the information, take a step back. Build trust gradually, and let the relationship unfold naturally.
Vulnerability Strengthens Bonds
Yes, something good can come out of sharing your personal ‘secrets’. If you do it at the right time and with the right person, opening up about personal struggles or experiences can lead to a deeper connection.
Also Read: How to Make a Man Feel Attracted to You
Balancing Honesty with Wisdom
In a nutshell, whether or not you should tell your partner everything depends on the dynamics of your relationship and your own comfort level.
On one hand, being honest and open with your partner can strengthen your bond and build trust, but it’s essential to communicate in a way that respects both your boundaries and theirs.
On the other hand, you must be sure that you have reached a certain level of intimacy and gained some trust before divulging certain personal issues. Otherwise, you might kill the relationship before it even begins.
So, while honesty remains the best policy, lace it with wisdom and a genuine understanding of your partner’s feelings. Your relationship will surely thrive if you do (say) the right things at the right time.
