I know you love him and have been expecting him to pop the question, and now he has asked, and you are super excited because you can’t wait to build a family with him, but wait! But do you really know what to ask him before you accept his marriage proposal?
Are you aware that a proposal is not all it takes to build a family and that other crucial elements must be in the right place to ensure success? There are important things you should know about a man before you accept his proposal.
I have discussed in this article the ten things you should know about your prince charming before making one of the most important decisions of your life.
1. His Sexual Expectations
Some ladies downplay the importance of sex and sexual compatibility, and some fail to find out the sexual expectations of their intended partner. Sexual incompatibility has been recorded as the reason for divorce in many marriages.
It is important to acknowledge the difference in how men and women look at sex and the presence of individual preferences. For some men, it should be done anytime and anyway, and this is because these men mostly have a high sexual drive. So, imagine, as a lady, you don’t have a sexual drive that is compatible with his, and if you get into marriage with him, you will be faced with sexual issues.
Don’t assume that both of you can cope in the marriage no matter the expectations; instead, have a clear discussion about it.
You should know what he expects from you sexually so you will see if it is something you can offer.
2. What is Success to Him?
Success means different things to different people, and you should know what it is to him and know if you are okay with it. Some men want to make an amount of money, for example, 70,000 dollars a year, be able to pay their bills, and still afford to go on a vacation. To these men, this is their vision for success, and it isn’t wrong. If you are a lady who wants your man to aim higher, you should go for a man who wants the same because it is almost impossible to push someone beyond where they have planned to be.
Therefore, to avoid having to bear an extra load trying to push him, which can lead to severe cracks in the marriage, go for a man you are comfortable with and his vision for success.
3. His Relationship with Money
How does he see and manage money? You must know if he is a big spender or more on the frugal side. You should also know if he is a huge spender, extremely frugal, or moderate.
A big spender may find it hard to adjust in the future if need be. This can cause issues and avoidable hardship in the family.
Remember that there is no wrong choice here, but you must ensure you are okay with his relationship with money.
4. How He Handles Conflict
You should know how he handles conflict. A couple must have a way to resolve conflict in their marriage. This is because conflict is inevitable. However, the way it is dealt with is what makes all the difference.
There should be a uniform technique for resolving conflict; so, for example, when there is conflict, how does he prefer that you two resolve it? Does he go days without communication, or does he want things talked through within 24 hours?
So, know what he practices. Find out if he is interested in creating a better structure for conflict resolution for the marriage. If he is interested, then you two must create a structure that will work best for the union.
5. Does He Want Kids, and How Many?
Don’t make the mistake of assuming his view on kids in marriage. Some ladies think that kids are part of the default setting of marriage, but that’s not true. Many people love kids but don’t want to have them. Others want to have them but may wish to have many or fewer.
You must have this discussion with him to know where he stands. If he wants kids and you want to, then the number of kids should be agreed on before accepting his proposal. Doing this will help you avoid conflicts arising from it in the future.
6. What are His Deal Breakers?
All of us have the things we consider deal breakers in our relationships. There is no general rule as to what can or cannot be a deal breaker. This is more reason why you should find out what his deal breakers are.
Leave out assumptions when you are discussing his deal breakers. Allow him to lay them bare. Just because some men are okay with their women wearing a type of clothing doesn’t mean that he will automatically be okay with you wearing them simply because he is also a man. Deal breakers are unique to the individual because what others consider taboo may be nothing to him.
So, always ensure that he clearly states what his deal breakers are and then make your decision.
7. How Does He View Your Roles in Marriage?
Sometimes, couples naturally take up their roles in the marriage without noise. However, that doesn’t mean that we’ve not seen issues in marriages because there was no discussion about roles.
There are things most people expect from their partners. For example, most men will expect their women to take the lead on domestic roles like cooking, laundry, etc. That doesn’t mean that they won’t take up the role if need be. A typical example is when the woman is sick.
So, before you accept his proposal, know what he thinks about roles in marriage and his expectations.
8. His Religious Views and Stands
Religion is a serious thing that shouldn’t be taken lightly by any lady. To highly religious people, their religious stand isn’t negotiable. So, it is important to have this discussion, especially if you two are from different religions.
Ask him what he thinks about the religions and his expectations. For example, if he expects you to convert to his religion or if he would want the kids to be raised in his faith. You should also need to ask him, even if you are a highly religious one and would want him to convert. Don’t conclude that his silence means acceptance. Find out what his view about religion are before you accept his proposal.
9. His Emotional Expectations
What kind of emotional support does he expect from you? We all have different ways we react to situations and also how we want to be supported emotionally. Does he like to be touched and maybe given a massage after a stressful day? Does he enjoy it when he talks about his day and you pay attention?
You should know how he likes to be received, talked to, encouraged, etc., by you. Knowing these things will help you not to do something only because you think it is good but because you like it.
10. Are You The Priority
You can say that you are about to be his wife so he would know that you should be his priority, but no law says you must be his priority. You must know who is the priority in his life: someone else.
But if you sincerely don’t care about them and won’t mind him choosing someone else above you in some situations where he should choose you, then you shouldn’t stress yourself trying to know who is his priority.
Conclusion
You may have known him for a while, and he has ticked your boxes, and you have been expecting him to ask the question. That’s great, and you deserve to be excited and happy but don’t make a grave mistake.
You have read the ten things you should know about him before you accept his proposal. Have a clear discussion about each of these things. Through a straightforward discussion, you will know if you are compatible. Doing this will help you know if both of you can compromise where it is needed.
Your discovery should be the determinant of whether you should or shouldn’t accept the proposal.
